We plan each day. We start with coffee, a shower, or maybe exercise. We go to work or school from Monday to Friday. Saturday is for shopping and errands. Sunday’s, we wake up late; go to brunch or a church service. Maybe you get up and create art or work nights. A routine affords us the comfort to stretch emotionally and physically without distraction. Routines fail us. Tragedy strikes. We go to work and lose our job. A serious illness strikes a relative. Or we look in the mirror and realize this is not the life we had planned on living.
A Crucial PointDecisions are normal. We wear blue instead of red. We drop an umbrella in our bag at the last moment. Do you want paper or plastic? Others require more thought. What school we attend. Do we leave a marriage? Should I establish my career before having a child? Situations force us to decide. The longed-for dream house is no longer affordable. We have to decide about a loved one’s healthcare. At this crucial point in life’s journey, the decision we make has long-range ripples. What is the wisest choice? Do we take a risk, or the safer route? Both options require courage and faith that the outcome will be for the best. Whether planned, we are standing at life’s crossroads and forced to decide.
The Fear of Fear
There is trepidation. The feeling of
fear is one of those significant reasons to stay home behind closed doors
watching people change their lives on Oprah or Dr. Phil. Fear has gotten a bad
rap implying weakness, a lack of mettle. Fear is just common sense. What is it
but an awareness of danger? We no longer have to worry about the big bad
Saber-Tooth Tiger swiping a wayward child for a noontime snack. However, we
have to consider terrorism, pandemics or natural disasters and losing our
livelihood. When faced with danger you have some choices — run and hide — a
suitable option when faced with something bigger than you. Or get the biggest
stick you can find and fight back. Swing that stick and beat back the thing
that scares you. Stand your ground — face what’s in front of you and see if it
shrivels under your glare. All valid options depending on the situation. Fear
is an emotion asking up us to pay attention. Something requires action. Here
are some tips:
- Face the fear.
You have heard it before. A minor problem can become a monster if you let
it. Look at the problem and brainstorm some solutions. Speak to friends and families — ask their thoughts. Taking some action can help you feel
you have power over a situation.
- Do something different. When faced with fear in the land of unemployment I
tried something new and wrote an e-course on writing. I spent my time
while laid off creating something instead of just hanging out. I had a
choice to live in fear or try something new. That choice lead me somewhere
new. Since then I hosted a podcast, wrote a column, articles, and essays.
- Move your body — Cuban
salsa lessons can get you out of your head. Learning to move your body in
a new way puts fear in its place. Movement also releases tension. It is
hard to face an issue when in high stress mode. Exercise, good nutrition
and lots of rest will help ease and curb anxiety. Care of the body can
improve your mood and clear the mind.
- Take some time to reflect. In the middle of a crisis, take time out to be quiet. Recharge your spirit. Try 15 minutes of simple deep breathing or meditating. Take a walk in nature, browse through a favorite bookstore and enjoy some time alone. In addition, reflection helps to look at a situation calmly. You can view it with a rational mind. You might find a problem has more solutions than previously considered.
Above all, respect your emotions. It is all right to feel afraid — we all do from time to time. Faced with a challenge, it is OK to feel the beating of your heart. It reminds you are still alive.
Crossing the Unknown Sea
In his book, Crossing
the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity, David Whyte
recounts a life-changing event at work. In a moment of exasperation, he stuck
his head into a meeting at work asking if anyone had seen David. A stunned silence
followed by laughter answered him, since he was the only David in the office
and he was looking for himself. The ensuing year was about reclaiming who he
was and becoming a full-time poet. In a conversation that evening a friend said
to him, “You must do something heartfelt, and you must do it soon.” It was a
challenge to him to move out of a comfort zone and to do something with real
meaning.
Despite reassurances, there are no guarantees. Living is capricious. Nice cars, excellent education and a high IQ don’t mean things will go smoothly. When standing at a crossroads you don’t know which way is the best. One road may mean happiness, another adventure, and yet another means safety and security. It takes heart to be alive. You have both courage and heart; do not be afraid to express either.
How About Love?
“We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love; we must meet physical force with soul free.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
This quote is part of a larger article in which Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote about how he and his fellow peaceful resistors should act towards the white men who were persecuting them. He wanted to change through love, not hate. Not the daisy in the gun barrel type of love, but a deep kind. He followed a path that changed his life and the world. Our decisions may not be this profound, but they still require a commitment. Each day and every decision we can choose how to approach life. Can we have a deeper love influence our lives?
Transformation
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us”. Joseph Campbell.
Events dramatically change our planned routine. We take a risk and change our lives. We can’t really know what tomorrow brings. Each corner is a discovery. This uncertainty is the thrill of being alive. A friend shared how she met her husband. She walked into a pub, looked around, and was about to leave. A voice called out asking her to come in. She said, “I don’t know what made me turn back.” The man who called out to her was a fireman. She sat across from him and next to him was the man who she would marry. The fireman witnessed her marriage and the adoption of her son. Later he would lose his life in 9/11. On the street near the pub a sign bears the name of the fireman. Each moment bears the possibility for transformation.
http://www.gratefulness.org/readings/whyte_dsr.htm — An excerpt from Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity and the conversation between David Whyte and his friend.
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Sandra Lee Schubert
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